dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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