I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
