I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
