so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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