i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sarcasm needs its own font
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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