I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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