JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is it penis luge time yet?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
