The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
