Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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