i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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