Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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