new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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