BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
