yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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