Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
