yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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