im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this will be a night to untag.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
