You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
