Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
