THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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