return my video game
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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