This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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