He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
