Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
