My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
