my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
