ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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