then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
