Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was confusing and full of hummus
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
