I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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