just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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