the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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