I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
