And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
