Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize