He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
