Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
