why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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