I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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