The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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