I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
