So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
