dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
