Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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