Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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