i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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