did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Are we still banned from the library?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
