My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sarcasm needs its own font
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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