Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
