the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
