I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
