The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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