why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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