once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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