it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
