Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
