why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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