I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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