you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
