I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
