Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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