Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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