I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
