totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
