hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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