Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
