if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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