The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
