How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I could fuck to npr.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
