Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
