whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
