I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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