Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
