there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize