Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
