Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
