first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
