you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
